Oil Market Report December, 2019

“Melchs! How’s it going Wise Man?”

“Not bad Balzo”, said Melchior, turning to Balthazar.

“You heard the news about the Star in the East…we better get going”

“Roger that Magi No 3, I’ll get the taxi ready or do you want to go in your car?”

“No man”, interrupted Gaspar. “We’ll go on my scooter. Melchior’s taxi won’t get into Bethlehem city limits, not since Uber paid off Herod. And your old banger of a diesel Balzo?! No way can we start polluting the stable area with that thing. Not unless you stock up on AdBlue and that don’t exist for another 2,000 years – so we better take my scooter. It’s electric don’t you know and when we get there, we can beep the hooter to let everyone know we’ve arrived. Melchs, you can puff on a cigar on the way or even wear a Playtex bra – all depends on which primary school you went to”

“OK, good idea Big G”, said Balthazar, “although you sure it’s you and not that Justin Trudeau guy, attending an Arabian Nights Party?”

“Yep, definitely me mate. Never been to Canada in my life!” replied Gaspar.

“But dudes, before we go, we need to think about gifts”, said Melchior. “I’m thinking of taking some oil for the young kid. Doesn’t smell as nice as Frankincense, but very useful commodity in this part of the world and it’ll never lose its value I reckon”.

“Never lose its value…you’re joking aren’t you?!” said Balthazar. “Stick with Frankincense. Oil is so yesterday. Just ask some of the boys in the Arabian Gulf, desperately trying to flog their oil company as we speak. Having a right old time of it I hear. Only going to get a couple of trillion, which is nothing when you consider how many wives their Royal Family has to keep. No mate, this is a young kid we’re talking about and all young kids love a Disney Film, so I’m going to get him the new Frozen 2 Movie. It’s that or Myrrh and the truth is I don’t exactly know what that is. Plus, from a grammatical standpoint, I object to the random use of the letter “h” at the end of the word…”

“Bad choice, B Dog” said Gaspar. “Turns out Climate Change has melted all the ice and turned Frozen 2 into a disaster movie. That’s going to be traumatising for any child. Why don’t you take him a battery? Just imagine the kudos of going electric?!”

“No good”, replied Balthazar. “Bethlehem ain’t putting no charging points in until 2022 earliest. And besides, the limited range available is never going to get him from Bethlehem to Nazareth. I think I’ll just have to go with Myrrh and live with the “h” at the end”.

“But what about you Gaspo”, said Melchior. “What will you take?”

“Well I’ve got to say that unlike you two”, replied Gaspar, “what with your weird gifts that nobody’s ever heard of and let’s face it, both of which border on the insulting. Well with me, tradition says that I take Gold; useful yesterday, useful today and useful in the future. So I should really stick with that. But in this day and age, even gold doesn’t feel woke enough to get many likes on social media. So I was thinking along the lines of getting the little one a Tokamac Fusion Reactor. That’s a mini sun to you, my two non-learned friends. If the young lad is as special as I think he is, then a method of creating clean, limitless energy with no end, is surely a fitting gift?”

“Woah! Sounds a big ask, transporting that big bad boy on a scooter Gaspar”, said Balthazar. “Maybe we should take my diesel estate after all. The boot space is magnificent”

“He’s right Gasp”, added Melchior. “If we are going to transport something that hits 100 million degrees C, we probably need to cover it with something like an old blanket. That way, Herod’s goons won’t see it and will let us through”.

“Fair point” said Gaspar. “Let’s do that. We’ll just have to stock up with loads of AdBlue from those guys at Portland (in 2,000 years)”

And so it was decided that the Three Wise Men went to Bethlehem bearing gifts of Frankincense, Myrr(h) and a nuclear fusion reactor, that might one day be the answer to all our energy problems.

Happy Christmas one and all!